My Blog

The Unfairness of Life’s Ways

Hello
there guys….I wouldn’t say that it’s been a while since I last wrote something as
my last blog was somewhere around September but just wanted to pen down some
thoughts to paper or in this case the web….The topic today is the cruel facts
of life…scenes that plague the world around yet not much has been done to cure
it…Probably because most of us do not know what the remedy is for this. That’s
the debate on my mind at the moment…call it the spure of the moment but it sickens
to think that such an important matter has been taken so lightly by everyone
including me…

 Don’t
think I’m a psychopath but anger has become of me as I bring to you the scenes have
become normal to us. We know that these things happen but are not sure on how
this could changed. It’s actually a documentary that I watched that actually
showed what the so called “under privileged” had to go through on
a daily basis just to make sure that they get to see another sunrise …Ordinary
things that we take for granted is seen as an unreachable heaven for these
individuals…It’s not that they are not capable of obtaining it but just the
simple fact that the talent was present but the opportunity was not ….How
many of us know this for a fact but choose to pretend and get along with
life….Here’s the scenario….A rich kid and poor kid studies in the same
school…..Unlike in the movies both kid performs on an equal scale and have
their strengths and weaknesses in their respective areas….However the kid that
has the spending power gets more encouragement to move on in life from family
members and society in general as they are able to fork out that extra cash
without compromising the lively hood of the ones around them…..After completing his schooling life he decides that college would be a more fun experience
compared to the local universities. He checks out the broaches for all the hip and happening colleges
around and finally comes up with the decision to study overseas. The parents
feel so proud of their son’s decision to be independent and make all required
arrangements. The chap flies and settles down in the foreign land and starts
attending classes.

He then fails a bunch of papers in the 1^st, 2^nd
and 3^rd year but things are still ok as he can afford to retake the
exams due to the spending power again. Finally after a few failed attempts he
scrapes through and eventually obtains the paper qualification. He takes a
vacation for all the “hard” work put in and then one day realizes that it’s
time to find a job…After 10 minutes of flipping through the newspaper, he gets
sick of it and decides to talk to dad….

 

With
a few strokes of the dial, the dad rings up a few contacts and the son gets a
job in an established company where the MD so happens to be the dad’s
ex-classmate…..The rich kid then works for a couple of months and then realizes
that this is not the job for him and decides to seeks daddy help again. With a
little bit of fuss this time the father dials a few numbers again and this
vicious cycle goes around once more….At one point of time the rich kid becomes
established in life thanks to all the help he received along the way and
finally becomes rich not based on his father’s wealth but of his “own”….He has
a pair of kids and the cycle continues…..

Now like in the movies we go back to
the poor kids life cycle…..He studies with the realization that this might be
his only shot towards getting a certificate that may assure him of a future
carrier…..He passes on an average scale as this is normal in the society we
live in today…..Only in the movies especially tamil one’s do you see the poor
kid winning the gold medal at the end of the day for being the best student in
the whole district. In real life there are many students who are average both
in life as well as in studies…Back to the picture….He now vigorously applies
for local universities but to no avail…..Tears stream down his cheeks as he
knows that without a higher education, life would be a struggle all the way….He
also knows his family situation and it’s financial status. After days of pondering
on this thought he finally  seeks help
from dad to think of what to do next as it’s been months now and the are no
response from any local varsities…..

His poor father takes a deep breath and sits
a while to think of what are the ways of helping the son out. He too knows the
cruel fate that would await his flesh and blood if he stops his education. His
hearth is burden by the situation and tries to think of all the ways that he
knows…..He gets the sons permission to work out something in 2 days and starts
doing the math on how this would be possible…You would not be able to
comprehend what that 2 days would be like for the poor father. After the 2^nd
day he approaches the son proudly to say that he managed to get him in a
college so that he could further his studies. The sons face glows with joy…This
is however short lived once he finds out the college that the father has
enrolled him into….If he had a choice that would have been the last place to
study in his list…..He looks up at his father and sees a glimpse of hope….The
father waits anxiously to see what his sons reaction would be as he has already
mortgaged the family fund for this college he selected. At the back of his
mind, though he knows what he is about to commit to is not something of his
choice, it’s the fathers scarifies that compels him to agree with it….The poor
kid then goes on studying in this higher learning “institution” and excel more
then what he did in school as he knows how hard it is for the father to educate
him….The sacrifice he makes in order to send his young one to this stage is
beyond words….Every payment date for the semester fees would be a nightmare for
both the father and son…..

Finally he graduates and again does reasonably
well…again no gold medals here….He then searches high and low for a job and
then finally manages to get an interview….He goes to the interview and realizes
that there are 30 people before him…He sits nervously and strikes out a
conversation with the candidate next to him as they both wait their turns…He
later finds out that the one he just spoke to studied in a prestigious college
somewhere in the remote dense suburbia in the US….It’s so foreign that the poor
chap is even unable to pronounce it…..He later finds out that 15 of the 30
candidates have degrees overseas…..He takes a big gulp and enters the interview
room just to know that the interviewer flips only the first page of his well
prepared resume and only enquires his name…He was then asked to leave….

After an
hour long wait for the interview, he gets told that he will be contacted if he
was chosen but the call never comes…..He attends a 1000 other interviews and
finally manages to land one. Again this would not be the preferred job that he
would have like to get but situations were so desperate that what ever he gets
seems like a gold mine….The kid continues to work for this organization with
the realization that he’s overworked and under paid. He however does not dare
take the decision of quitting as he has too much on his shoulder to put
down…..He finally lands himself married and gets a son of his own and I’m sure
you know how the story continues from here….

 Now
I ask you, were there any differences in both the rich kid and the poor kids
life……..The majority would answer YES. That’s because there was a dramatic
difference…but if I were to ask you again, were there any difference in both
the kids when it came to talent wise….Most of the answers would be NO because
both were average students…..Both had talents that were on an average scale but
one had help along the way as resources were available and the other had to
struggle…….Doesn’t this statement make sense now “The rich stay rich and the Poor remain Poor”. Where I’m heading
with this is that good talents are being kept hidden just because the chance was
not there to shine….How many of us gets help from the government to actually
pursue our future goals. How many of us get scholarships to better equip
ourselves to prepare for life’s struggles. Let’s ponder on this thought and any
suggestion and ideas towards this blog would be much appreciated and would be a great reading…..till next time…..god bless   

It’s been a while since I last wrote something creative and am in the mood to do so, so guys please bear with me … Have you ever wondered why you get disappointed when something you plan doesn’t really go according to the “Plan”. Have we actually tried to think of what the root cause might be? Half the time we are already aware that in whatever we do, there is a chance for failure to step in. This is normal and we accept it as part & parcel of life and its twisted ways. Then the question arises, WHY are we disappointed with the unexpected outcome?

 

You might be wondering at this point what is this idiot blabbering about but then STOP just right there. I had the same reaction until this was properly explained to me. Things started to fall in place and I was able to better prepare myself to better handle disappointments. This may not apply to everyone but it’s worth a shot. It will be boring if I just give you the solutions so I’m gonna start this topic up with an Indian flash back…. It was a Thursday night when me and a couple of friends decided to hang out in a place we normally go to for drinks and were chatting away about the days events and so on and so forth once we got there. Since the following day was an off day for me (surprisingly) we extended the time and topics of all regions were brought in and the discussion was spiced up with a few more drinks.

 

The place that we crashed into was not a fancy bar of any sort and there were basically 4 to 5 filled tables and we were seated in the last row (5th I think) and noticed that there was a middle aged guy sitting in front of us all by himself, smiling to himself and looking at a photo that he placed in his hand. At first we just ignore him as we thought that the alcohol had kicked into 5^th gear for the poor old chap but later realized that as time passed he was much sober then any of us around and continued staring at the same photo for hours. We discussed among ourselves and were trying to conclude all sorts of things but none had the courage to actually strike out a conversation with him. He was probably in his mid-30’s and didn’t look like the type that would strangle you for pleasure.

So finally we devised a plan to approach this guy and see if we can start a conversation with him since he was sitting right next to us the whole day alone. What better way to strike out a conversation then a Beer. So we offered him a glass and we introduced ourselves and he did the same and that’s the only time I noticed that he placed the picture in the shirt pocket. The conversation carried on for about an hour, an hour half and then one of my friends, being youngest and on the verge of puking (you know who you are), shot out a question regarding the picture that he held a few hours back.

We were blood shot in the face as we never expected the moron to actually spill the beans out like that. But to our amazement he was very professional and well mannered about the whole thing and started explaining to us who that person was and stuff like that. I was basically too tired to listen to the entire story and was wishing for it to end soon as I decide to call in quits and head back home. Apparently the picture that he held in his hand was his ex-wife who he just divorced a few months back. To be very honest with you, that was the most ocward moment during the entire evening. We were all brain dead wondering whether to congratulate the chap or feel sorry for him. After firmly securing the youngest idiot who started this whole chain of events, we just smiled when all the sudden he said something that struck a bell in my head. The rest were either rushing to go to the bathroom or waiting for the next jug to arrive at the table. This guy by the way was a gentleman who exchanged a Jug of beer for a Glass we offered. He told us (I was the only one listening by the way) that it was a difficult period in his life and he tried many ways of coping with the loss.

There were even times where he would follow his ex wife to the office and wait there for hours until it was lunch time only to find her leaving him behind and going off alone. He tried backpacking and that didn’t solve a thing except his wallet. Decided to become the modern day devdass and took up drinking but never enjoyed it as according to him only made the memories worst.

He finally gave up everything and resigned his job in KL and moved to Penang to enjoy the solitude and he said that loneliness regardless of its reputation  offered some form of relieve. The next few lines he versed out really made sense. You see, you will only be down eating sand if you have high expectations on something. Let me give you an illustration. A student studies day and night for an upcoming exam and allocates all the time in the world to excel. Deep inside of him/her, there already is a thick layer of expectations building up of doing better then the rest of his/her peers. On the day of the exam the student will be more worried about the end result rather then the actual job at hand. Once you set an expectation for you to achieve something and not achieving that at the end of the day, it will be very difficult to overcome the emotions coz you most probably have tasted the sweetness of victory in your mind. This doesn’t mean that you don’t expect to do well in anything you do in life. What I’m saying is that when you carry out a task, pay less attention to what you are going to or expect to get in return at the end and pay close attention to what you have to do at that point of time. Worry about the glory later. By you not having expectations to get something in return there will be no disappointments when they don’t arrive.

I have a person whom I’m close to who tracks down people who call him/her to see if they remember an important event. When that person in that list fails to communicate, then the person feels down as they feel less important. Back to the student’s scenario, if he/she cares less about how the end result would be and just concentrate on the job at hand, the odds of him/her actually obtaining the wanted results is much higher.

This is because almost 100% of concentration is actually being channeled to the questions that he/she is trying to answer rather then wasting the 50% of thought as to how it would all work out at the end. And the best part about this whole deal is that when the person fails to achieve it, the amount of disappointment is much less that someone who already has a mental picture of how things should be. It sounds simple in words but in reality this takes practice. The next time you venture into any obstacle ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can happen if I fail this” and then once you get the answer go ahead and carry out the task and don’t worry about the results. I bet the first few tries will make to go back to the mind set of wondering how well you fair and what you would PROBABLY be rated. Eventually you’ll be there and then you’ll realize that things become easier. The chap that just divorced according to him had too much of expectations for the ex wife to actually return back to him to the point that reality was a mere word. There is an old saying "the harder you grip the sand on your palm, the more the sand slip away from you. Leave your palm open and the sand remains there till the next time you squeeze it." He finally told us that he has no expectations what so ever of her ever returning to him and that they are on their own ways. He now has a better job that the one he previously had. He drinks now not to forget about the messed up pass but more for his organized present. He accepts things as it is and has no expectations of how things should or should have been.

 

Then I took my bow and left the place and went home to call it a day. I took my shower and headed to bed and then toiled and twisted and then realized that I had my own set of expectations and that means that I too might have to go through the same shit. I’m still trying to detach myself from expectations but with whatever I have managed to move away from, it was fruitful. I just bought a new car and previously even a single scratch would bring the whole day crashing down and I’ll have mood swings the whole day thinking about the same thing over and over again. The minute I detach myself saying that I don’t expect my car to be scratch proof, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Though my car looks like I just finished a dirt rally, I’m much more comfortable driving it rather then a few months back when every car park looked something from a scene in Freddy Kugar’s flick. 

 

Ok enough of boredom just try it out and get back to me if this applies in your daily life and most important if it actually works. If it fails there nothing much to loose is there. Till the next brain tweezer, take care mates and god bless……

 

Cheers Vicky

 

 

Hey there,

Guess it’s one of those days where you’ve got nothing to do but just still back and stare at life’s twist and turns. Just wanna share a few thing that i feel we tend to take for granted in life….For example, when was the last time "we" ever said “I love you” or “I really appreciate it” to someone close…most of the time, we believe that those stuffs these people do are things that are suppose to be done by them. But do we ever stop to think that they are actually going out of their way just to make our journey a smoother one. Half the time the answer seems to be NO….Either ignorance kicks in and we avoid encounters or we just know it but feel like ignoring it so that it would be less awkward. I for one fall under the latter category….. Although simple things like saying “i really appreciate that” seems a way off thing for me, I tend to avoid it as I’m afraid to be categories under the freak zone….

This has been going on for the past few years until I recently lost someone very close ( My Grandma)….Of all the time that I’ve been with this lady, she has nurtured me well and has always put my needs before hers, make me smile by trading her tears in return…..All this came in a package and I was enjoying the fruits until one day when i got the news that she had moved on….It’s was not like i have mistreated her in anyway but neither did i go off my way to please her…. Other things in life were always in the way and always seemed more important and the famous phrase "if not today, there’s always tomorrow" was applied. Reality slapped me in the face when i came to the acceptance that i was no longer given the chance to do the things I’ve always planned to do with this lady or say the things i would have wished to have said…..It doesn’t matter anymore as she was not there for me to express myself……If only i would have made the attempt to at least hold her hands and say nothing, it would have made me feel abit better, abit more less guilty. But the cruel fact is that i took things for Granted. Took it for granted that it’s ok not to do things there and there when it was suppose to be done….

This incident made me realize a few things in life….Stop taking things so lightly…Put yourself in the position of the other party and stop to think awhile..Things might make sense then….Parents, siblings, girlfriends, boyfriends, friend, anyone for that matter…..If you feel that they deserve more then what you are giving them rite now, then you are probably rite….Show them that you appreciate them and that their existence actually gives an impact to you existence…..Small gestures maybe carried to the grave…….Don’t waste the opportunity that you have now as you’re never sure of what the future holds…..Life evolves so fast that if i were to ask the name of your great grandfather, you might be stopped on your tracks there and there….That’s how fast life moves……Say the things you’ve always wanted to say and do the things that you’ve always wanted to do as if that there’s no tomorrow…..Push Ego’s aside and you’ll realize that life will be much more meaningful…..

This is an opportunity for me to thank and say i do appreciate the little things……To my parents, you guys rock and every inch of me is the way it is bcoz of you guys….My hats off to the 2 of you and i wanna say Thank You….. To my lovely sister, you’ll always be a pest that i would rather have…..Don’t change abit……My Gorgeous Girlfriend, you have been more then a life partner….. You have been a mother to me when i needed guidance, a true friend when life gets to me and have always been there when i needed a shoulder to cry on…..So baby i would like to say that i really appreciate you and thank you for being in my life………Last but not least to the coolest dude in my life…..my granddad……This bro would have moved mountains for me and i know that he knows that i loved him very very much…so on his part, i’m guilt free…..:)…Thanks old man for everything….

So to end this, i would like you guys to just think about this…. Don’t ignore things that are right in front of you….you might live to regret it….. All it takes is to just say Thank you, or I love you…. Trust me it’s worth the effort

Regards,

Vicky