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It’s been a while since I last wrote something creative and am in the mood to do so, so guys please bear with me … Have you ever wondered why you get disappointed when something you plan doesn’t really go according to the “Plan”. Have we actually tried to think of what the root cause might be? Half the time we are already aware that in whatever we do, there is a chance for failure to step in. This is normal and we accept it as part & parcel of life and its twisted ways. Then the question arises, WHY are we disappointed with the unexpected outcome?

 

You might be wondering at this point what is this idiot blabbering about but then STOP just right there. I had the same reaction until this was properly explained to me. Things started to fall in place and I was able to better prepare myself to better handle disappointments. This may not apply to everyone but it’s worth a shot. It will be boring if I just give you the solutions so I’m gonna start this topic up with an Indian flash back…. It was a Thursday night when me and a couple of friends decided to hang out in a place we normally go to for drinks and were chatting away about the days events and so on and so forth once we got there. Since the following day was an off day for me (surprisingly) we extended the time and topics of all regions were brought in and the discussion was spiced up with a few more drinks.

 

The place that we crashed into was not a fancy bar of any sort and there were basically 4 to 5 filled tables and we were seated in the last row (5th I think) and noticed that there was a middle aged guy sitting in front of us all by himself, smiling to himself and looking at a photo that he placed in his hand. At first we just ignore him as we thought that the alcohol had kicked into 5^th gear for the poor old chap but later realized that as time passed he was much sober then any of us around and continued staring at the same photo for hours. We discussed among ourselves and were trying to conclude all sorts of things but none had the courage to actually strike out a conversation with him. He was probably in his mid-30’s and didn’t look like the type that would strangle you for pleasure.

So finally we devised a plan to approach this guy and see if we can start a conversation with him since he was sitting right next to us the whole day alone. What better way to strike out a conversation then a Beer. So we offered him a glass and we introduced ourselves and he did the same and that’s the only time I noticed that he placed the picture in the shirt pocket. The conversation carried on for about an hour, an hour half and then one of my friends, being youngest and on the verge of puking (you know who you are), shot out a question regarding the picture that he held a few hours back.

We were blood shot in the face as we never expected the moron to actually spill the beans out like that. But to our amazement he was very professional and well mannered about the whole thing and started explaining to us who that person was and stuff like that. I was basically too tired to listen to the entire story and was wishing for it to end soon as I decide to call in quits and head back home. Apparently the picture that he held in his hand was his ex-wife who he just divorced a few months back. To be very honest with you, that was the most ocward moment during the entire evening. We were all brain dead wondering whether to congratulate the chap or feel sorry for him. After firmly securing the youngest idiot who started this whole chain of events, we just smiled when all the sudden he said something that struck a bell in my head. The rest were either rushing to go to the bathroom or waiting for the next jug to arrive at the table. This guy by the way was a gentleman who exchanged a Jug of beer for a Glass we offered. He told us (I was the only one listening by the way) that it was a difficult period in his life and he tried many ways of coping with the loss.

There were even times where he would follow his ex wife to the office and wait there for hours until it was lunch time only to find her leaving him behind and going off alone. He tried backpacking and that didn’t solve a thing except his wallet. Decided to become the modern day devdass and took up drinking but never enjoyed it as according to him only made the memories worst.

He finally gave up everything and resigned his job in KL and moved to Penang to enjoy the solitude and he said that loneliness regardless of its reputation  offered some form of relieve. The next few lines he versed out really made sense. You see, you will only be down eating sand if you have high expectations on something. Let me give you an illustration. A student studies day and night for an upcoming exam and allocates all the time in the world to excel. Deep inside of him/her, there already is a thick layer of expectations building up of doing better then the rest of his/her peers. On the day of the exam the student will be more worried about the end result rather then the actual job at hand. Once you set an expectation for you to achieve something and not achieving that at the end of the day, it will be very difficult to overcome the emotions coz you most probably have tasted the sweetness of victory in your mind. This doesn’t mean that you don’t expect to do well in anything you do in life. What I’m saying is that when you carry out a task, pay less attention to what you are going to or expect to get in return at the end and pay close attention to what you have to do at that point of time. Worry about the glory later. By you not having expectations to get something in return there will be no disappointments when they don’t arrive.

I have a person whom I’m close to who tracks down people who call him/her to see if they remember an important event. When that person in that list fails to communicate, then the person feels down as they feel less important. Back to the student’s scenario, if he/she cares less about how the end result would be and just concentrate on the job at hand, the odds of him/her actually obtaining the wanted results is much higher.

This is because almost 100% of concentration is actually being channeled to the questions that he/she is trying to answer rather then wasting the 50% of thought as to how it would all work out at the end. And the best part about this whole deal is that when the person fails to achieve it, the amount of disappointment is much less that someone who already has a mental picture of how things should be. It sounds simple in words but in reality this takes practice. The next time you venture into any obstacle ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can happen if I fail this” and then once you get the answer go ahead and carry out the task and don’t worry about the results. I bet the first few tries will make to go back to the mind set of wondering how well you fair and what you would PROBABLY be rated. Eventually you’ll be there and then you’ll realize that things become easier. The chap that just divorced according to him had too much of expectations for the ex wife to actually return back to him to the point that reality was a mere word. There is an old saying "the harder you grip the sand on your palm, the more the sand slip away from you. Leave your palm open and the sand remains there till the next time you squeeze it." He finally told us that he has no expectations what so ever of her ever returning to him and that they are on their own ways. He now has a better job that the one he previously had. He drinks now not to forget about the messed up pass but more for his organized present. He accepts things as it is and has no expectations of how things should or should have been.

 

Then I took my bow and left the place and went home to call it a day. I took my shower and headed to bed and then toiled and twisted and then realized that I had my own set of expectations and that means that I too might have to go through the same shit. I’m still trying to detach myself from expectations but with whatever I have managed to move away from, it was fruitful. I just bought a new car and previously even a single scratch would bring the whole day crashing down and I’ll have mood swings the whole day thinking about the same thing over and over again. The minute I detach myself saying that I don’t expect my car to be scratch proof, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Though my car looks like I just finished a dirt rally, I’m much more comfortable driving it rather then a few months back when every car park looked something from a scene in Freddy Kugar’s flick. 

 

Ok enough of boredom just try it out and get back to me if this applies in your daily life and most important if it actually works. If it fails there nothing much to loose is there. Till the next brain tweezer, take care mates and god bless……

 

Cheers Vicky